Accountability...what's that!?

Accountability;
The obligation to demonstrate and take responsibility for performance in light of agreed expectations. There is a difference between responsibility and accountability: responsibility is the obligation to act; accountability is the obligation to answer for an action.

Accountability, I know how to take accountability for things. It is something I think I am very good at.

Defensiveness, is something I am good at as well. I get defensive very easily. I can admit that, I know I do it and it’s something I am working on.

Patience, each day I am working on this and can say I have improved on this a lot. I stay calm in situations and try to look at it from both sides.. that is until I hit my limit. There comes a point when I just can’t do it anymore, can’t deal with someone and I explode. Does that happen to anyone else? Or am I alone in this?

Today I am feeling like I am alone in this. Maybe what happened was my fault? I am running through the scenario in my mind trying to think of how I could have handled this situation better. I could have not gotten defensive. I stayed calm.. at first. Does walking away from the situation count as staying calm? I think so. So what else? I didn’t point fingers, I took accountability for my actions, but at the same time defended them because really? Who deserves to be called out, put on the spot in front of everyone, including management for something that wasn’t even about that person. Don’t attack me and expect everything to be ok I would NEVER do that and would expect an adult like her to never do it as well. I guess that was my first mistake. Having an expectation, that in the work place, we are all adult enough to handle problems respectfully and in a good manor. That is obviously something that has been proven to me to over and over in the work place to be false. No matter your age, there is always going to be high school drama especially when you spend 40 hours a week with people. I realize you all you don’t understand what’s going on and that’s fine, I guess I’m just needing a place to write my thoughts. Sadly, I am sure you can all relate to one point I post about today.
How do I render this problem? How to I change my thoughts of not showing up for work again…just leaving and saying nothing? I want so BADLY to be that person. That person to just say “enough is enough!” “peace out” etc. and just not show up. But I can’t do that. It’s not who I am. There are good people at my job, people I don’t want to disrespect by doing that. So I will stick it out. I will show up tomorrow morning. But I am not happy and I hate that. I hate being so unhappy. I miss the happy Katy I used to be……